Cases
by StratfordEast
Summary: how sara feels about a case NS
1. Default Chapter

Sara sat in front of her locker, lost in contemplation. Knowing she should get up, get her stuff out of her locker and go home but unable for the moment to muster up the energy. The curve of her back shuddered as she shook only small vibrations down her back, hardly noticeable, or so she hoped. She wasn't crying, she just felt so cold. Cold from the look on the basted's face as they let him go from lack of evidence. Cold like the young women now in the mortuary, alone but for the one person she'd trusted and even she had let her down for money. Her warmth, her blood that pumped around her veins bringing life to flesh had been drained away by other people's greed. Just as Sara's was from the knowledge she had failed.

The main eyewitness refusing to testify and Sara knew, she knew the suspect's family had paid her off. She remembered the anger that had filled her as she connected the dots between the furniture man and the speedily hidden estate brochure for swanky new houses. _"How much did he pay you Laura? How much did he pay you that you wouldn't testify for your own colleague who you witnessed raped but can remember her self because she was so drugged up on date rape pills?"_

And now she just handed in a report concluding that the all the evidence showed the poor women down stairs had committed suicide. In the eyes of the law no crime had been done. The fact that she had been raped and so brutally beaten four days ago that she had to spend a whole two of those days in hospital had nothing to do with it. That the women who had supported her for all that time had suddenly cut her loose. Choosing money over helping someone was not a convictable crime. At least nothing they could prove. Grissom was wrong sometimes evidence wasn't enough and sometimes there was no evidence at all.

So she had killed her self that was no homicide. The people who had pushed a happy young woman over the edge had no blame.

She had rung her after she found out at the start of shift. That the case had fallen apart with out Laura's testament and the DA had chucked the case out. She was just about to go out on assignment with Warrick but she waited to make the call. She wished now she had told her face-to-face, maybe it would have made a difference. As it was she could tell be her voice on the phone the girl had been broken. It cut through her like a knife; there was nothing she could say. _"I'm sorry Megan, there's nothing we can do. It will be ok."_ Six hours later the report came in of a women who had jumped off the top of her apartment block. Sara had pulled over time to find some evidence, any evidence that Darren had pushed her her rapist or someone working for him there had been none. There had been an authentic suicide note as well. There had been a bit about Sara.

"...Mom I know this wont make sense to you but say thanx to Sara Sidle a Las Vegas CSI she worked on my case, she tried hard. It wertn't her fault the case failed ...."

And so Sara felt cold. In this job, this life she had chosen she couldn't save people. She accepted that, she couldn't bring them back from the dead but she could put them to rest. Give them justice and their family and loved ones peace of mind. Only this time she failed, they'd almost got a conviction. They would have if Laura hadn't changed her mind but that wasn't good enough. Almost meant that a 21-year-old woman felt there was nothing worth living for. Even though she had her whole life ahead. Sara knew the feeling, she lived and remembered and it left her feeling cold.

Almost got what I want

Almost found what I lost

Almost saved you and my self

Almost won

But it doesn't count it never does.

it never does.

One green light

One more ring of the telephone,

One more step

One more second

And I almost

Almost

Tracy Chapman 

_Let it rain._


	2. Nick

Hay every one sorry it took so long to up-date but the web site seems all fixed now :) thanx for all the reviews this is N/S for all you guys!

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That's how I found her. Sitting just staring at her locker, I watched her through the glass of the door for a second before pushing the door open and walking over to my own locker. The lock clicked as I spun it round entering my combination, the click as it finally opened seemed to eco across the space between us. 

"I heard about your case"

It was a statement, but I knew she would hear the unspoken question that I really wanted to ask, if she was coping ok. I didn't know any details but apparently it had been rough. Hell. All cases were difficult. I hadn't had an easy night of it my self, but according to Warrick, Sara had got 'attached'. I felt it was more complicated than he made out, being addressed in a Vic's note would mess with any of our heads.

"I'm fine Nick. Catherine has already asked me twice, and each time I said I was fine."

"I'm not Catherine," I said in a low tone, resting my palm against the locker so it could absorb the cold from the metal. It always had a calming effect on me and this time was no different. I had to stay calm, getting angry and frustrated wouldn't get Sara to open up to me. It was just _hard_. Some many times I'd been there for her and she refused just closed off. With drew so far into her self it was as if she could see me or any one else. I never hid when I was worried about her or wanted to help. I respected her and her privacy on other occasions. I was sick of it. What hurt more was the secret feeling that she knew what I was offering, like a shady drug dealer but didn't want any of it.

**I've been watching your world from afar**

**I've been trying to be where you are**

**I've been secretly falling apart**

**I'll see**

**To me **

**You're strange and you're beautiful**

**You'd be so perfect with me**

**But you just, can't see**

**You turn every head**

**But you don't see me**

I composed a smile turning to face her. My smile faded as our eyes met. Her eyes were blank. The sparkle, that combined with her beautiful smile held the power to stop my heart with one look was gone. My heart ached; I felt a wave of guilt rush over me. While I had been brooding, Sara behind me had broken down. This case was different from the rest it had really pushed her to the limit. She was hurting. Much more than she would care to show. More than Warrick noticed, more than I would have noticed if I didn't see the difference it made to her face. It must have shown because suddenly and new emotion flickered across her face, confusion merged with the desolation present before.

"Nick, _Nick_." Her voice vaguely registered, but it took a moment for me to respond. I could hear the concern in her voice. I swallowed hard. Even when she was feeling low Sara still managed to make me feel so many emotions I felt I was on fire. I wanted to reach over and hold her tight against my chest, stoke her hair tenderly and kiss her all in the same breath. In an instant she seemed to know everything I was thinking, her eyes open wide before she blinked looking away uncomfortable. Something changed, some unknown dynamic shifted leaving us both tongue-tied.

We sat silent, until I heard her sigh softly.

I sat down next to her. "You want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to say,"

"Sar, talk to me." I reached out my fingers stopping just short of her cheek before she stood up pulling away from me. She glanced my way with slight frustration; her body language was becoming stiff and unapproachable telling me unconsciously to back off.

"Nick I appreciate your concern and yes the case upset me but I'm fine now,"

I marvelled at how quickly she seemed to switch from being vulnerable to cutting off all her emotions. They wouldn't be gone, knowing Sara she would just shut them away ignore them. I wouldn't let that happened not this time. I didn't care if she shot me down. I just couldn't walk away knowing I never tried.

**Sometimes the first thing you want never comes **

**I know waiting is all you can do Sometimes **

**I'll put a spell on you **

**You fall asleep**

'**cus I put a spell on you**

**And when I wake you**

**I'll be the first thing you'll see**

**And you'll realise **

**That you love me**

Strange and beautiful Aqualung 

I grabbed her arm refusing to let her go. "_Sara_" I pleaded with her.

" Just let me go NICK. I don't want to talk about it. It hurts too much ok. IT MAKES ME REMBER TOO MUCH." Her voice was high with emotion.

I was supposed to be the people person, I was supposed to know what to say to comfort and support but instead I was speechless. What could I say? There was nothing. I released my grip slightly, sometimes the pain couldn't be swept away in words, like when I told Catherine about my, she was too shocked afterward all I saw was pity in her eyes nothing she could have said….

"Your not a failure Sara."

She stopped bewildered.

I repeated myself clearly knowing this was what she needed to hear.

"It hurts honey but it wasn't you fault, you're a great CSI and the most beautiful and amazing women I know. Your not a failure."


End file.
